Study; Shoving, Yelling Makes Things Go Faster 76% Of Time
Posted By The Onion, 04/08/10
TUCSON, AZ—Researchers at the University of Arizona released a study
Monday showing a causal relationship between raising one's voice,
pushing people in the chest, and getting what you want more quickly.
"These results certainly go against common wisdom," said visibly bruised
and flustered sociologist Renée Pfaff, who found that subjects in the
so-called "jerk group" received rewards an average of 45 seconds faster.
"Once we ran out of the rewards, the participants began shaking down
our research assistants for money." The study also concluded that
gratuitous swearing accelerated the process by as much as 40 percent.
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